i hate how i can get so fucking annoyed at someone whose fighting with me but then i realize that i was just fighting with someone else earlier in the day, for the same reason: wanting more attention. i think it’s just a natural thing to want from someone whom you love who isn’t treating the way you think you deserve. it actually fucking sucks, feeling needy. no one should feel like that, but we all do at one point or another i guess. but id actually much rather be the needy one than having someone needy for me. especially the getting mad and yelling at me needy. that just makes me fucking yell back, and i barely ever yell. ugh. i’m probably just tired, but it’s been going on for a few days now and i can’t take it. i’m selfish.
i’ve decided that i’m done chasing after people. i’m realizing that no matter how strongly i feel towards or about something, some people are never going to care because they are too focused on what’s going on in their own lives. some people are never going to be able to step into someone else’s shoes to try and understand their feelings, and that’s just the way it is.
people make mistakes; we’re human, and we learn. we’ll probably keep making mistakes too because it’s just who we are. it happens and it’s called life. i’ve realized that no matter what i can do to defend myself or even admit myself to the truth, some people still will not accept my apology. friendships are diminished. people are hurt. people cry.
i’ve decided that what i can do now is just to forgive who i can and understand their place. i’m just as guilty as the next person, so when it comes down to it, we all need to be forgiven. even if my apology is never accepted i will always accept the apologies of others. it’s the least i can do.
i hope more people can learn to learn and forgive and understand. i think it will save a lot of tears and some broken friendships.